I wasn’t particularly overweight or inactive as a child. In fact, I enjoyed horse riding, karate & kickboxing and gymnastics at particular points of my childhood. None ever stuck though, and I wasn’t forced or encouraged to partake. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, I just wasn’t taught that exercise/sports were the thing I needed for my body to stay healthy long term. I do wonder if I’d have been different if I had.
I didn’t actually realise how unhealthy I was throughout childhood until very recently. Looking back at photographs and reminiscing of my teenage years. I would eat and eat and eat and drink regularly as I reached 16 onwards (naughty I know, but I was a young girl, and who didn’t?). From the outside I looked healthy. I was a size 8-10. But nobody had taught me the importance of health on the inside. Mainly mentally, but also physically. There’s a huge link between both, whether we care to admit it or not.
It was as I approached my early twenties that this became an issue. I’d had a series of grievances with close friends passing away, and I began a relationship with a manic depressive. Not fully understanding the severity and the reflection that would have on my own mental health. I quickly became an introvert. My broad horizons shortened, and I’d get up, go to work, pretending I was fine, and go home and lock myself inside. I didn’t see my parents or friends for weeks on end. But I’d pass it off as just now living further away from them than I originally had.
I moved closer to home to try to remedy the thoughts and feelings I’d been having; I thought that if I was closer to my mum, everything would be ok. Obviously, that didn’t change the depressive state of my partner, or the fact that I hadn’t fully come to terms with my own grief.
I’d just turned 22, and at the time worked with a young boy with cerebral palsy. I’d been on a short holiday with his dad and brother, to assist with his care. And when we got back, his dad sent me a picture of myself and him. I literally broke down. Looking at myself in that picture cracked my demeanour. This high-rise Dam I’d created over the last 4 or so years. Every emotion I’d suppressed flushed through the cracks and leaked out all over my kitchen floor. I laid there for an hour or so, weeping. I remember it vividly. I was disgusted with who I’d let myself become. That sounds stupid saying that now, I didn’t know that’s what had happened, and I hadn’t done it purposefully, but I was disgusted, nonetheless.
The day after, I woke up and something had changed. I couldn’t go another day feeling the way I did. So, I asked my partner to leave. One thing that no longer served a purpose for me. The next thing was to tackle my physical state. I’d reached almost 15 stone. I really didn’t know where to start. But I tried anyway; with a ‘Youtube’ yoga video in my living room. Stupidly, I bought meal replacement shakes to kick start myself. I majorly lacked nutritional knowledge, I used to eat jacket potatoes with cheese and beans as a staple meal. So, on less than 1100 cals and exercising regularly, I started to see progress. Alongside that were headaches, episodes of dizziness and almost passing out on the motorway through lack of energy. I knew what I was doing wasn’t sustainable long term, and so I sought to change that.
I got myself a PT at Pure Gym in Rochdale. Myself and my best friend at the time had sessions together to keep it affordable. He taught me how to lift weights, how to track calories and appropriately fuel my body. He showed me that my body could do amazingly unimaginable things; I was really strong and hadn’t realised it. Eventually, he introduced us to CrossFit in Rochdale. I instantly fell in love with the fitness programme. If you’re reading this and don’t know what it is, CrossFit is a mixture of exercise variances. It teaches us how to run, jump, pull, push, lift and climb through variations of Olympic weightlifting, conventional weightlifting, cardio & gymnastics. It changed my world. And it also changed my understanding of being me. It challenged me physically and mentally, but never bored me, it introduced me to people just like me, and people nothing like me, but all of us were still working towards the same goals. I genuinely think CrossFit is the only thing that brought me this far.
Unfortunately, my box in Rochdale had to shut down and so I found CrossFit Northern Soul. I had friends who I’d met through competing that went there, and I’d also competed there. It was logically, my next step. I started at the bottom of the rankings, came as a newbie and threw myself in. I attended twice a week, alongside training with one of my friends at his own gym. My knowledge of exercise, diet and mentality constantly developed, and I got a thorough, all round look at ‘fitness’. I’m very glad of all the experiences, and all the coaches that have helped me along the way, they’ve shaped me into the athlete and coach that I am now. I would say never be afraid to branch out. Try new things, experience all types of exercise so you can say for yourself what it is that suits you.
Fast forward two more years, and I’m now a Level 2 CrossFit Coach, Level 3 Personal Trainer, and an explicitly keen athlete still. I’m still learning, growing as a person and as a coach. I try to cover all bases. I CrossFit 4-5 times per week for my physical health, I do yoga and meditate 4-5 times per week for my mental health and I have educated myself on nutrition to the degree that I now lead 6-week lifestyle overhauls. I feel I’ve found a balance now just coming to 27 years of age. I do it for the long term. To be able to teach my children how to look after themselves; physically, nutritionally, and spiritually. I do it to keep a healthy body and mind, to maintain my independence for as long as is humanly possible. I don’t intend on giving up anytime soon, and I’m fully vulnerable to the fact that I’m not perfect and I’m still learning. I’m grateful every day for that breaking point that turned my life around. I just wish I’d have reached it before.
I think the only thing that’s had a lasting effect is the hit it had on my confidence. I’d developed, at least a mild form, of ‘body dysmorphia’ which is rife in this generation, I think. I still look at my body and see the big girl from back then. But now, I don’t battle with that daily, just on the odd occasion. Not sure that’ll ever leave. But at least I understand that I’m doing the best I can for my health long term now. And my body is a result of that hard work and dedication. I’m super proud of what I’ve achieved and experienced so far, and I’m so excited to see where the next few years take me.
If you need help on where to start, seek out the advice of a professional; it’ll be the best thing you ever did. Drop your friend a message, tell them you need to make some changes and make yourself accountable to those. Do it for you, most importantly, but also for your family, your kids if you have them and your independence into your later years.
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